Cocaine & Sex Abuse Confession: August Ames Told All On Tragic Life Before Suicide
Weeks before August Ames died in an apparent suicide at
just 23 , the stunning porn star made the shocking admission
that she was sexually abused as a child.
On the Holly Randall Unfiltered podcast with host Holly
Randall on September 13, Ames claimed she was molested
several times throughout her childhood. But, she claimed
when she approached her father about the abuse, he
refused to believe her.
“I have an awful relationship with my dad,” Ames told
Randall. “I tried to forget about it and talk to him
about how I was feeling about my childhood and
everything, because there was a lot of sexual molestation
— not from my father but from his [redacted] — so I
had to suffer from being molested by my [redacted].
When I finally told my dad, he didn’t believe me,” she
explained to Randall.
“The issue was never resolved,” Ames continued. “All
my life I grew up a liar by my dad and his side of the
family.”
Ames, also known by legal name Mercedes Grabowski, said
she tried calling her father again to try and mend their
relationship a few weeks before the podcast, but he still
believed she was lying.
“It was just awful. It’s still recent where I have to
keep myself occupied or else I start thinking about all
that s**t and then I fall into a depression,” she shared.
“I try to do therapy. I hate that word. I hate
therapy.”
Erotic photographer Randall reassured Ames by telling her
she too was in therapy. Ames admitted that it was
different for her in therapy, because she was in the adult
film industry.
“I would get in contact with some people and then I
would feel badly because they’d be like ‘What’s your
profession and I’d be like ‘Oh, I’m in the adult
industry’ and then I’d feel like they’re like ‘Oh,
that’s the whole reason that you are the way you are’
and then I’d get turned off,” Ames explained.
Ames also opened up to Randall about her experience with
drugs. At the time of the interview, she said she was
clean of alcohol and weed. When she was just 15,
however, she claimed the father of a child she was
babysitting told her he would provide cocaine if she would
strip down naked, so she did.
“Some days I’ll be fine, and if I’m not doing
anything I’ll get these awful flashbacks of my childhood
and I get very depressed and I can’t get out of bed
and cancel my scenes for like a week or two,” Ames
admitted.
The Ventura County Police confirmed that Ames
took her own life by hanging on December 5. Her death
occurred only days after she received backlash on social
media for choosing not to work with an actor who had
previously starred in gay porn.
“NOT homophobic. Most girls don’t shoot with guys who
have shot gay porn, for safety,” she wrote in attempt to
defend herself. “That’s just how it is with me. I’m
not putting my body at risk, I don’t know what they do
in their private lives.
In 2014, Ames married director Kevin Moore , who released a
brief statement following her death.
“She was the kindest person I ever knew and she meant
the world to me,” Moore told industry trade magazine
Adult Video News (AVN). “Please leave this as a private
family matter in this difficult time.”
Her brother James Grabowski wrote a heartfelt Facebook
post that has since been deleted .
“Bullying is not a joke. It took my sister’s life and I
can’t get her back. This pain I feel cause people
couldn’t keep their opinions to themselves is unbearable,
although I have nothing but hate for each and everyone of
you people who drove her to this i still do not wish this
pain on you. This has forever changed me and who I am
as a person.”
Randall also made a heartfelt Instagram post following
the news of Ames’ death.
“She was hands down one of my favorite girls to work
with, she always showed up with a smile on her face and
a snort in her laugh,” Randall said. “She was goofy
and silly and that made her even more beautiful than she
already was.”
“August, the world misses you, and you were loved more
than you could ever imagine.”
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